Looking on the Bright Side of 2020!!
This is a long post, but a view into my life.
As the new year of 2020 has unfolded, I have decided to change my outlook on the future. As many of you know, 2019 was a very trying year for me and my family. The timeline of last year seemed like it was never going end but yet it went by so fast. Looking back through the year, my new outlook for 2020 would of been very useful. Let me break it down for you.
January 2019 - This is a slow month for photography. I started to feel defeated and began wondering if I was doing something wrong. I began second guessing my photography skills and almost gave up. I got very quiet on Social media, angry at home, and started to call in sick more. My daughter was in a musical at the end of the month and I was struggling to understand how I was going to get her to and from practices when all I wanted to do was go home and sleep. I didn't realize I was depressed. I masked it well from many outsiders but I knew it in my heart. Me and my husbands anniversary is on January 25th where we went to Lava Hot Springs. I spent my time drinking, sleeping, and being angry. During our trip, a dear friend of ours was murdered. This began a downward spiral for me.
NEW OUTLOOK - This should of been a time for me to hone my photography skills and practice taking pictures of every little thing. Rather than call in sick, I am using work as an outlet to get to know more people, talk about my photography to everyone, and keeping my mind busy. I no longer wear a mask and hide my emotions from others. If I'm having a crappy day, I've learned to reach out. Lava Hot Springs this year is going to be awesome. If anyone wants to come join us, please do. The more the merrier. This will be a weekend for a reboot.
February 2019 - Still reeling from the death of our dear friend, we spent many hours crying and attending vigils for our dear friend. I drank a lot, slept a lot, and lost that spark in my photography. This is usually my favorite time of year for photography because I get to do our Annual Valentine's Boudoir Shoot. Once again, I felt like I was failing somewhere and did it minimally.
NEW OUTLOOK - Never give less than 100%. Whether you feel crappy or not, always give your everything in all that you do. Giving less than 100% only hurts yourself. Our Boudoir shoot this year is going to be amazing. If you haven't scheduled yet, you really should because I have created a super power team for this shoot.
March 2019 - We always do a girls night and March was the time we did it this year. Usually we dance, laugh, hang out with the ladies, and just refresh those friendship with our gal pals. This year was different. It wasn't fun, exciting, or a time to remember. We did the same things as we had in years past, but it just wasn't the same. My attitude and outlook put a huge damper on my outlook for this evening as you can see in the picture. I look back on this picture and it makes me sad because these people are some of the most exceptional human beings out there and that night, I ruined that.
NEW OUTLOOK - Never put your negative energy in a public place. Going forward, I will always try to be positive. I will emit a bright light, my aura will be restored, and I will always be the person that has that energy that is infectious.
April 2019 - This month I decided I was going to start another Photography business with my sister, 2 Sisters Photography. We would start doing weddings and other large events together. When I changed my idea, I began to notice I was starting to get new clients that I never would of thought of being clients. We invested in a new boat that needed work and we began the process of restoring it. My husband and I spent the beginning of countless hours working on the boat.
NEW OUTLOOK - Don't think small - always shoot for things that you feel are unattainable. Don't limit yourself on what you can do, always think outside the box, and think bigger is better.
May 2019 - May was crazy hectic but this is when I realized I could move mountains. My daughter performed in her last play (this would be the very last she would ever do), sent my Type 1 Diabetic son on a week long trip away from me, and finished the boat. I sewed new vinyl for the entire boat which is something I didn't think was even possible. My sister and I went to Zion's National Park on a photography trip toward the end of the month. I conquered many heights and what I thought were limitations while on this trip. What an experience this trip was!!!
NEW OUTLOOK - Don't stand at the bottom of a mountain and watch someone else climb it. Climb it yourself. Don't let your fears stop you from achieving great heights.
June 2019 - We had two more deaths toward the end of May and the first part of June. In June my daughter got her driver's license. I began asking, "How did she get this old? How did I get this old? Where did the time go?" We said Goodbye to some of amazing people this month which was so hard. Finally at the end of June, we left for a 10 day trip to Flaming Gorge. This should of been a family trip but my daughter had to work. The picture of me with the cat ears was how I felt - LOST!!
NEW OUTLOOK - Never let a minute pass you bye. Never take time for granted. Everyday I will value what time I have with my family, friends, doing what I love, and living to the fullest.
July - This month began by me losing my job due to the business closing while I was on vacation. Vacation started on a really rough note and I began spiraling down again. This is a hard subject for me because I have never struggled with depression or anxiety but for some reason, this year was a huge struggle. Day 3 of vacation, we lost another friend. A rainbow set and we drove right under it on the boat. This was a huge reminder that we have to look on the bright side of things. My photography business was beginning to take off this month and it was a saving grace.
NEW OUTLOOK - Always look on the bright side of life. There is a rainbow at the end of every journey. You just must go on the journey first.
August - Photography was so amazing this month. I spent the entire month shooting multiple families, wedding, and events. I was so busy I forgot to enjoy it. By the end of the month, I wasn't sure where I had been for the month or what had happened in my family or friends lives.
NEW OUTLOOK - Don't ever get so busy you forget to actually LIVE. Take moments, minutes, and hours to truly enjoy what you are doing because we can't repeat the past.
September - I approached my favorite time of year with a totally different outlook than ever before. I didn't find any beauty, excitement, or positivity in what I was doing. I just did it. It had become a routine that I was programmed to do, day in and day out like a robot. I began a new job late August at Bridgerland because I doubted my abilities to make ends meet as a photographer only. Day in and day out, over and over, repeat.
NEW OUTLOOK - Find Joy in the little things....I should of found joy in my new job, found joy in my photography being busy, and joy in just being alive but I had lost it. Find joy....compliment someone, say thank you, take a pause, reflect what you have around you, recenter yourself, spend time alone reflecting, and listen to music.
October - I spent what had been for years my favorite month as a WITCH. Literally and figuratively.....I joined a group of ladies who dressed up as witches and danced all over Cache Valley during the month. There was a specific person in this group that did everything they could to steal my SHINE!!! Guess what? They did....I became quiet, withdrawn, and a WITCH. I would snap at anyone who talked to me, my energy became dark and dreary, I cried often, and finally fell apart on my favorite holiday, HALLOWEEN.
NEW OUTLOOK - NEVER LOSE YOUR SHINE!! Never give someone the satisfaction of making you hurt, angry, or sad. Make your SHINE overpower that negativity and bad energy.
November - My son went into DKA the beginning of this month and while following the ambulance my back window in my car was shattered. I started to question, "When is it going to be our turn for a healthy, happy, and wealthy life?" "Why me?" Photography was busy because of the holidays but it was so nice to be busy. It kept my mind from spiraling.
NEW OUTLOOK - Don't question WHY? Just change it...you are in control of your future and what is happening in your life as well as the way you react to it.
December - I had the amazing opportunity to participate in the Traveling Dress Project in December. This is something that I didn't know I needed. This reassured me in my talents as a photographer. I took the last 14 days off of everything in December to recenter, refocus, reboot, and find me again.
NEW OUTLOOK - Don't wait until it is to late - Take your reboot, refocus, recenter, and find yourself. If you feel like you are lost, find yourself. Rid yourself of negativity and cleanse your soul.
This last year has taught me so many lessons but here is the biggest lesson I learned..... take time for you. Self healing, self improvement, and self care are absolutely things that we often forget about. As a photographer I often tell people, smile with your teeth. Practice what you preach.... Smile with your whole self (something I lacked this entire year), never lose who you are, and rid yourself of negative energy.
2020 is a new year and I will be practicing what I preach.
